The More You See
By Sarah Martin. Britain's Foremost MS/Cannabis Activist.
It’s been a while, I know. I thought I’d better fill you in on what’s been happening since I was hit by a big relapse over Christmas. I’ve seen a neurologist, had an MRI scan but not had the results yet. I can’t be prescribed steroids until my local doctor hears from the neurologist.
All I’ve wanted, to get out of this relapse, is a course of steroids. It’s been 5 months since the relapse started and I am still fairly housebound. To be fair, I did get out to the opticians yesterday for some new eyewear. The old pair were past their best but that’s not the point. I have been out of the house about 10 to 15 times in the past five months. Keeping the depression and wild mood swings under control has been my entertainment much of the time. Learning new techniques to keep my emotions in check has almost made the whole ordeal worthwhile.
Who am I kidding? It has to be worthwhile. Being stuck in has given me the chance for even more thought on keeping happy chemicals in my bloodstream, both naturally produced by the body or administered by myself, as I know my health depends on this. The more you look, the more you see. The landscape may change constantly but the techniques will remain the same. Well, maybe some minor adjustments here and there but you know what I’m saying. Relapse is good too and a regular reminder of how bad things can get.
I’m no longer a National Health target for an MRI scan. Now I seem to be less of a target as it’s been over 6 weeks since the scan and still no word. I chose to be treated privately after my first major relapse in 2003. I was ‘treated and streeted’ and back at work within 3 weeks. If the NHS is not to sort out its bureaucracy soon, I fear the likes of Andrew Lansley will eventually have their way.
Sorry that I’ve not updated this blog sooner. My hands are almost completely out of action and typing with, at most, 3 fingers can be a drag. I heard from the IACM (International Association of Cannabinoid Medicines) but am still not sure if I’ll be speaking in Bonn. I’ve heard I am but I’d like to see my name in the program before getting into any sort of mindset. I’ve been taking as many cannabinoids as I can and this seems to have calmed me down emotionally, as well as suffering less of the physical stuff. My moods made the last eight years seem like a bad dream that’s finally over. Sorry to those who I’ve had to separate from and all those random emails from supporters I could not answer. This is MS and that’s the way it goes.
The relapse brought a wheelchair into this house. I only need it for leaving the house and prefer to walk by steadying myself with it. It was purchased so I could make it to my uncle’s funeral. I knew the day would cause some emotional devastation so I kept myself very high. I also finally made contact with a cousin who has since had a motorcycle crash and ended up in hospital. Now in rehab, we had planned to see family and visit her but I have a small but annoying cold. I’m sat in bed with a hot water bottle warming my feet and blood supply. To my left is a small tub of space brownies and and I hope to get rid of this cold by tomorrow morning so we can get on the road and see family.
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